Phineas and Ferb Strike Back
by SuperKamiGuruFTW
Summary: The comic 'Bluntman and Chronic' is based on real-life stoners Phineas and Ferb, so when they get no profit from a big-screen adaptation they set out to wreck the movie.


**Author's Note: Well it happened I finally decided to write for this series. The story your about to read is one that I think fits the characters well. I think I should stop talking ladies and gentlemen I give you the Phineas and Ferb version of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.**

Chapter 1: The Origin of Phineas and Ferb

_SuperKamiGuruFTW presents:_

_Phineas and Ferb Strike Back_

**A long time ago, in front of a convenience store far, far ****away**

Outside of a Quick Stop and a record store, from sometime ago, a mother who was probably seventeen wearing all black comes over carrying a green haired baby that was wearing an oversized t-shirt under what looks like a little bathrobe, and was eating a chocolate bar. "Ferby-Boy stay here while mommy picks up the free cheese, 'kay?" she said getting out some food stamps in before walking away, leaving the baby sitting against the wall. Now the baby was all alone with chocolate around his mouth forming something that resembles a beard.

Then, another mother who was probably the same age as the one before, was wearing a KISS concert shirt, had orange hair, with a baby slung at her hip. She sees the green haired baby sitting against the wall and sets her baby down beside him. "Alright don't fucking move, you little shit machine. Mommy's gonna try to score." she said about to leave. But before she leaves a man with white hair passes by and takes note of the babies and the mother heading into the record store

"What the hell?" he said stopping and looking at her. "Excuse me who's watching these babies?" he asked disgusted.

"Uh the tall one's watching the little one." the mother replied.

"Oh, nice parenting." he said sarcastically. "Leave them out here like that and see what happens." he said before walking away.

The mother responds by flipping him the bird. "HEY FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING SQUARE!" she shouted.

"Ah, keep on trucking." he said waving her off.

The mother then turns her attention to her baby "Did you hear the crazy fuck telling me how to fucking raise you? Motherfucker, man! Who's he fucking think he is? What's the worse fucking thing could happen to you sitting outside the fucking stores? Fuck!" she said heading inside the store.

Both the babies sit there quietly, then they look at each other. The larger one says nothing. But the other one says

"Fuck, fuck, fuck-"

* * *

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, mother mother fuck, mother mother fuck fuck! Mother fuck, mother fuck, noinch, noinch, noinch. 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4, noinch, noinch, noinch! Smoking weed, smoking weed, doing coke, drinking beers! Drinking beers, beers, beers, rolling fatties, smoking blunts! Who smokes the blunts? We smoke the blunts!" We now find the two babies Phineas and Ferb all grown up standing outside the once know record store now turned into RST videos. Soon they see a pair of teens approaching both of them.

"Uh Lemme get a nickel bag." one teen said.

"Fifteen bucks, little man. Put the shit in my hand. If the money doesn't show, then you owe-me-owe-me-owe."

_My Jungle Love! Yes, Oh-we-oh-we-oh!_  
_I think I want to know ya, know ya  
Yeah!_

"What the hell are you singing?" the teen said.

"You don't know 'Jungle Love'? That shit is the mad notes. Written by God Himself and handed down to the world's greatest band. The motherfucking Time." Phineas said.

"You mean those guys in that Prince movie?" the other teen said.

"Yeah Purple Rain." the teen said.

"Man, that shit was so gay-fucking eighties style." the other teen said.

That made Phineas mad that he grabs the kid by the throat and throws him against the wall. "Bitch, don't you NEVER say an unkind word about The Time! Me and Ferb modeled our whole fucking lives after Morris Day and Jerome! I'm a smooth pimp who loves the pussy, and Ferb here's my black manservant! WHAT!" Phineas explained to him.

"What'd I tell you two about dealing in front of the store?" Coltrane said coming out of the video store. "Now drop the kid and peddle your wares someplace else, burn-boy." Phineas then put the teen down as Coltrane then locks the video store. "And for the record, The Time sucked ass." Coltrane said walking away.

"Yo-youse guys wanna hear something fucked up about him and the Quick Stop guy?" Phineas asked.

Later

We find Jeremy running the Quick Stop as he gives a customer his change. "Hey are you even suppose to be here today?" the customer asked.

"Dont ask!" Jeremy replied. Then customer then leaves while Coltrane grabs a magazine and joins him.

"Hey, can't we do something about those two stoners hanging around outside all the time?" Coltrane asked.

"Why? What'd they do now?" Jeremy asked.

**"**I'm trying to watch Clash of the Titans, and all I can hear is the two them screaming about Morris Day at the top of their lungs." Coltrane explained.

"I thought the tall one didn't really talk much." Jeremy said.

"What, am I producing an A&E Biography about 'em?" Coltrane asked.

The two teens then enter the store chuckling. "Two packs of Wraps." one of the teens said giving them the money. "Yo-how was the service?"

"What service?" Coltrane asked confused.

"The one at the Unitarian church last week where you two got married to each other." the other teen said.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Coltrane asked.

"Phineas said you had a Star-Wars-themed wedding and you guys tied the knot dressed like storm troopers." one of the teens said.

"Yeah. And he said you're the bitch and you're the butch." the other teen said pointing at Jeremy then Coltrane.

"I'm the bitch?!" Jeremy asked.

"Well if we were gay, that's how I'd see it." Coltrane told him.

"Would you shut up?!" Jeremy said.

"Holy shit, dude. The honeymoon's over." one of the teens said to the other.

"That does it. I'm gonna do something about those two stoner fucks I should have done a long time ago." Coltrane said heading towards the phone.

Later

Phineas and Ferb are thrown against the wall outside by a cop, who frisks them.

"What the Fuck, Serpico? What'd we do?" Phineas asked.

"We got a report that two guys were hanging around outside the stores, selling pot?" the cop replied.

"We don't smoke pot, yo.

The cop then pulls out rolling papers from Phineas's pocket. "No pot, huh? What do you need this for?" the cop asked.

"What? I got a wiping problem. I stick these little pieces of paper over my brown-eye, and bam-no shit stains in my undies. What you don't believe me? Lemme show  
you." Phineas then drops his pants and leans against the wall, looking back over his shoulder. "Check this shit out. Spread my cheeks a little and you can see the fucking stink nuggets."

"Pull up your fucking pants up sir. NOW!" the cop ordered trying to pull them up then Phineas Farts right at his face. That made Ferb crack up. The cop got frustrated and grabs them both, leading them toward his car. "Let's go! Lets go! We're going down to the station."

"WHAT? IT'S A FUCKING CRIME TO FART, MOTHERFUCKER?!" Phineas shouted as he was pushed into the police car.

**Author's Notes: Well thats the first chapter. I hope you guys enjoy and I hope you tune in next time for the next chapter.**


End file.
